


Jongho; Faint Love - Part I

by greymochii



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Platonic Romance, Romance, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greymochii/pseuds/greymochii
Summary: It all started as a crush. It was mutual but we just said never anything. I thought that I had found love with Jongho… until San came along. Now I’m battling my feelings for two men, and things was starting to get super complicated.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Reader, Choi San/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Jongho; Faint Love - Part I

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of grammatical errors for all parts so I will proofread it when I have time. I may or may not also edit some parts.

No one else has ever regarded him as handsome but I always thought he was rather good-looking. Enough for me to fawn over his dashing looks each time I crossed paths with him. 

His almond-shaped eyes accentuated his well-defined face; accompanied with a cute, small nose and the prettiest lips that I have ever seen. His lips were the most attractive feature of his that I found, seeing how soft and moist it looked. He really must have taken care of lips very well, as it constantly looked moisturised and pink. But despite having a handsome face, Jongho carries a mysterious aura with him. No one really knew him even though they’ve talked with him before. He and I… we barely talked, and when we do, it was always about school or just small conversations about nothing.

Despite having a cold demeanor, Jongho was never unkind towards people. He just never smiles or have deep conversations with people. I guess people regarded him as unhandsome for his personality and decide to diss his physical appearance along with his somewhat bitter disposition. 

We’ve spent two semesters together and we’ve never really had good conversations, not until that one day when we were grouped together for a project and only he and I were focused on our research. We gave up pleading to other groupmates to do their job and just focused on ourselves, and to a point of covering their parts as well. 

That particular day, Jongho and I held ourselves back as we sat in the auditorium in silence, eyes fixated on our laptop screen. My eyes were starting to dry up from the long hours of staring at the screen and from the corner of my eyes, I saw Jongho’s hand extended towards you. I slowly turned and looked at his hand and then to his face and back to his hand. He was holding onto the disposal eye drop and silently passed it to me, his eyes focused on me. It wasn’t a hard stare but it wasn’t a blank one either. If there was one thing I can’t read, it was Jongho’s eyes. I can’t tell what he was thinking about because his eyes were always the same. And I noticed the way he looks at me was different from the he looks at others. Seeing how I was staring at him, Jongho shook his hand.

“Aren’t you going to take it?”

I snapped out of my trance and shook my head, clearly in disbelief that Jongho had offered a piece of the eye drop to me. “Oh, right. Thanks.”

Jongho gave me a small pursed smile and that was the first time I’ve ever seen him smile. For some reason, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t want to think too much about it so I quickly popped the eye drops into my eyes and blinked my thoughts away. Feeling relieved from the lubrication, I continued with my research until it was time to go home.

As I was packing, Jongho spoke again, his soft voice making me jump a little. “So, I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Great. See you tomorrow then, .”

I was stunned. He never acknowledges me by my name before. I was starting to think about things and I didn’t want to hallucinate but I figured that he may have feelings for me.

_Heh. Feelings for me... what a joke._

“Good… night to you too.” My voice trailed off as he walked down the stairs and then out of my sight. I stood frozen in my place, still trying to process what just happened. 

I wasn’t going to expect anything so I told myself to sleep it off and pretend that nothing ever happened. If there was one thing I was good at, it was hiding my feelings. No one really knew how I felt and there was a reason behind it. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone about it.

We met the next day and when he saw me, he smiled again. This time… it was wider… and genuine. I thought I felt myself holding my breath in and I clenched and unclenched my fists as I was walking towards him. When I took a seat adjacent to him, I avoided his eyes and took my laptop out. Even from the corner of my eyes, I could feel his eyes were on me, his gaze intense and focused.

“, are you ok?”

I jumped in my seat and placed a palm to my chest as his voice shocked me, yet again.

“Jesus,” I muttered under my breath as I massaged my chest. In our two semesters together, he never asked me if I was alright. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that so I merely nodded my head and continued to unpack my belongings.

“You sure?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Really.”

“I don’t know… You’re kind of… red.”

I froze and swiveled my head in his direction, my eyes wide in shock. “What?”

Jongho made a gesture around his face and then pointed at me, his eyes full of concern. “Your face, it’s red. Are you sure you’re ok? We can postpone this if you’re sick.”

“What? No, no, no! God, no! I’m fine. I-I’m f-fine. Really. I, uh… I’m gonna haul over to the toilet, would you give me a second?” I leaped out of my seat even before Jongho could answer and sprinted for the toilet.

Pushing the door open, I strode for the sink and stared long and hard at myself in the mirror, and to my horror, I was really red. My cheeks were flushed and so were my ears. To think that I was feeling absolutely flustered around him, and didn’t even realised I was blushing furiously completely baffled me. For the next couple of minutes, I was trying to calm myself down and each time I do so, I go even redder.

“What the fuck?” Frustrated, I closed my eyes and focused on other things. And for unknown reasons, I thought about that unfortunate moment. And then recalled about another pained memory that I wanted so much to be buried at the back of my mind. My so-called meditation was interrupted by a pair of girls streaming in smiling and laughing. I stood up straight and watched them as they gave several glances in my direction before proceeding into each cubicle. Realizing I’ve spent too much time in the toilet, I rinsed my face a couple of times and composed myself before returning to the auditorium.

Jongho was typing on his laptop but when he saw me coming up the stairs, he stopped typing and looked at me. I turned to him and froze, shocked by his stare.

“What?”

He was silent for a bit but suddenly reached over and placed the back of his hand on my damp forehead, surprising me.

“You’re a little warm. Do you… wanna go home?”

Shaking my head vigorously, I whispered no and turned my laptop on. “I’m fine. Really. I was just, um… feeling a little warm, that’s why.” I gave a fake laugh and I was sure he wasn’t convinced about my excuse.

“If you say so.” He resumed his work and I felt relief washing over me. We continued on with our work for the next three hours, with very minimal interactions between us.

That’s the life of a college student, staying behind to do intense research and analysis, doing reports and dissertation, it had to be precise, thorough and original sometimes we lack sleep from our commitment to our projects. We’d skip meals but will try to have snacks to at least fill our empty stomachs so as to not pass out one day due to starvation. 

As dinner time approached, I skipped buying my own meal as I wanted to do as much research as I could since we were behind by a lot and what more covering other members’ parts. I didn’t even realize that Jongho had gone off to get dinner because when he came back, he brought back two meals. 

Putting one bag in front of my face, he said,”Here. Eat something.”

I was taken aback and took the plastic bag from him, slightly confused and surprised. He had bought kimchi and rice for me, and even bought a bottled water for me. I turned to him to thank him but he was already digging into his meal. I went over to him and sat next to him, not saying a word so as to not disturb his dinner time.

“Thank you,” I said quietly as I unpacked the food.

“You’re welcome,” Jongho mumbled through his filled mouth, making me giggle a little. “What’s so funny?”

I stopped giggling and got abashed and stuttered on my words. “O-oh… It was nothing. You just said you’re welcome through a full mouth and I thought i-it was funny.”

“Oh… But yeah, you’re welcome.”

We ate in silence and although it seemed awkward, I still felt relaxed and comfortable sitting beside him. By the time he was done eating, Jongho sat quietly in his seat, looking around the auditorium and then his eyes landed on me. I wasn’t focused on his stare as I was busy indulging in the food but I absently turned my gaze to him, he quickly looked away. I was convinced that I could see a pink tinge on his cheek and I know that he knows it too. Clearing his throat, he excused himself but his face was still looking in the other direction.

“I, uh, I’m gonna go to the men’s room. Be right back.” In a matter of seconds, he disappeared out of the door, leaving me flabbergasted.

By the time he came back, I was already on my laptop and typing away on my report. When his eyes met mine, he averted his gaze elsewhere and went back to his seat. My eyes followed his movements and realizing that he wasn’t going to look at me, I turned back to my screen, feeling my heart drop a little.

It was close to midnight and my back was hurting and so was his. We silently agreed to pack up and he didn’t offer to meet up again the next day, which disappointed me. I wasn’t sure I was so upset about this, but I kind of expected to hear Jongho ask if we could meet again tomorrow but he didn’t. I tried not to take it too personally and faked a smile as much as I could. I was the first to leave but before I went down the stairs any further, I turned to him.

“Thank you.”

Jongho’s head snapped up, his eyes wide with surprise. “Hm?”

I faint a small smile and said,”Thank you… for the meal.”

Jongho stood rooted to the ground, his eyes wide and his expression blank. I couldn’t tell if he was confused or he was just genuinely speechless because I had thanked him again. Either way, I was just grateful and decided to express my gratitude for his generosity again. Walking away with a smile on my face, I felt nothing else but relieved and strangely enough, was looking forward to spending more time with him.

We only had about four weeks left on the projects and as per usual, Jongho and I were the only ones working hard on it. As each day progressed, we grew closer but even then, I still don’t know Jongho personally because we don’t hold deep conversations. As much as I want to, I didn’t want to seem pushy or nosy so I just rolled with whatever conversations we were having. We would often exchange glances and I’d notice his face going pink once in a while and I couldn’t help but smile at his blushing.

As we were indirectly flirting with each other, or so I thought we were, someone else had entered and looked upon from the bottom. I had to squint my eyes to get a better look and realized it was one of our groupmates.

“What’s he doing here?” Jongho’s voice suddenly got deeper and I noticed a tinge of annoyance when he spoke. I glanced at him and saw that his brows were knitted and I knew that he wasn’t in favor of another company.

I turned back to the figure that was already climbing up the stairs and sighed quietly. He was always the one staying unbothered when in class so it struck me as odd when he turned up that day.

“San, what are you doing here?” I asked as I leaned back in my chair, frowning slightly at him.

San looked from me to Jongho and then back to me, smirking as he dropped his bag on the chair in front of him.

“You got my part?”

“What?”

“My part. The research? Have you got it?”

Cocking my brows up in shock, I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him. “Of course not, that’s your responsibility. Why am I supposed to be doing your part for you?”

“Bullshit, Jinhee told me you were starting on mine, so I know you have it.”

I clenched my jaw and internally cursed Jinhee for opening her mouth, what more to San. I’ve always disliked his guts because he was always rude and he was always giving me unnecessary comments. I scowled at him and was about to put his part into a pen drive when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned to Jongho who had his other hand extended towards San, a pen drive in his grip.

San looked at the pen drive and back to Jongho, a frown creasing on his forehead. “What the hell is that?”

“Your share. You asked for your part, I’m giving it to you.” Jongho’s voice was firm and I could feel myself holding my breath as I watched the two men exchanged words in cold air. I didn't even know he had done San's part.

“I was asking it from .” San took a step forward but Jongho remained rooted, completely undeterred.

Jongho wasn’t bothered by San’s so-called threatening looks and just shoved the pen drive into his hand. “She doesn’t have it. That’s your part, I had it and now I’m giving it to you. Will you please leave us alone now?”

“L-leave you alone?” San laughed sinisterly and shook his head at Jongho. “Did you forget that I’m a part of this group? Now you’re chasing me away from wanting to be active in my role? Come on, man.”

“We were doing fine without you,” Jongho said bluntly, his gaze hard and sharp on San. “Why now then?”

San merely shrugged his shoulders and plopped himself down on the chair in front of me, his eyes trained on me. I felt a little uneasy and noticing my discomfort, Jongho pulled his chair next to me. He was about to say something else but I tugged on his sleeve and shook my head. I didn’t want the argument to escalate and since he was there, it lessened my burden of completing another member’s task.

“You can stay, but be sure to do your part. We’ve wasted a week and a half doing everyone else’s tasks,” I firmly said as I began typing again.

Giving me his lop-sided smile, San nodded and glared at Jongho. “Yes, Ma’am.”

True enough, San was quiet but that still didn’t help diminish my dislike for him. He’d occasionally glance at me while I work and Jongho would be the one to give a death stare. As it was coming to dinner time, I declined to go out and get food as I wanted to finish on my report as soon as possible. Jongho was slightly hesitant but he went out to get dinner, leaving San and I alone in the room. It was awkward and tense, and I couldn’t help but to squirm in my seat. Silence filled the air and though I appreciate it, it still made me uncomfortable.

“How far are you?”

“I beg your pardon?” I frowned at him and San scoffed as he stared at me.

“I asked, how far are you? Your report, how far are you with it?” I was taken aback and stuttered on my words.

“Oh! Uh, I, uh… about slightly more than one quarter in. Why do you ask?”

“One quarter? We still have time, why are you rushing to finish it?”

I rolled my eyes at him, much to my dismay and ignored him. Just as I was doing my report, San closed my laptop and grabbed my hand. I stared at him in disbelief and he dragged me out of my seat and down the stairs then out of the auditorium.

“San, let me go!” I tried to wring my hand out of his grip but each time, he tightened his grip. “Will you please let me go?!”

San ignored my pleas and continued dragging me to God knows where. By the time we’ve come to a stop, I realised he had brought me to the cafeteria. 

“What the hell?” I muttered as San continued to drag me and then stopped in front of a Western stall.

“San, my dear! What can I get for you, son?” A strong yet petite woman emerged from the stall, a wide smile plastered on her face. Judging from the way she greeted San, I could safely assume that he was a regular patron.

San turned to me and I gave a disgusted look when he checked me out from head to toe. Turning back to the stall owner, San smiled and said,”Can we get two sets of the aglio olio, Mrs Kim?”

Stunned, I objected but San put his hand out to cover my mouth. Mrs Kim, the stall owner, seemed slightly puzzled but San reassured her that he was getting two plates for the both of us. Once she was gone, I yanked his hand away and glared at him.

“A plate of aglio olio for me? You didn’t even ask me what I wanted!”

“So you do want me to get you something to eat.” San smirked as he said that, pulling cash out of his wallet.

“No, I don’t mean it like that. You know what? You can eat the two plates by yourself, I’m heading back.” I turned on my heels but before I could stomp off, San grabbed my arm and pulled me aggressively towards him.

“I don’t care what kind of feelings you have for me. Hate, disgust or whatever, I don’t care. But when I’m being kind, the least you could do was say thank you and not be a brat.” He hissed in my ear and I felt myself shuddering under his grip and swallowed hard when he said that. 

“I-T-thank y-you…” My voice trailed as San released me from his grip. I massaged on the arm that he had gripped tightly and felt so embarrassed. I looked around to make sure no one saw what just happened but a couple of students at a nearby table was glancing our way and I knew they were talking about us. I massaged the area that San had gripped so tightly, my jaw clenched so hard I could hear my teeth gritting. I could only bow my head in embarrassment and avoided eye contact with anyone. I never thought I’d get humiliated publicly like that, especially not from the man I loathed the most.

We ate in silence and by the time we were done, I thanked him again and quickly walked off. When I thought I was out of his sight, I slowed my pace down and then came to a halt. My breathing was starting to get heavier and I had to balance myself on the wall. After what seemed like a minute of self-assurance, I straightened my back and walked on only to be stopped by a grip on my hand. I turned and was shocked to see San. I tried to yank my arm away from his grip, but he wouldn’t let go. Instead, he loosened it and took a look at it before massaging it gently.

He gazed at me with his now softened eyes and I just stared at him, confused as to what was happening. He was still massaging my arm and then sighed quietly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I was confused because here was the man who I had loathed so much, suddenly apologizing for grabbing me roughly and then humiliating me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it but only nodded.

“I really am… sorry. I hope you can forgive me.” I noticed guilt in his voice and noting the genuineness in his eyes, I forgave him.

“?”

We both jumped and saw who the owner of the voice was. Jongho stared at the both of us and I could feel panic overwhelming me. Side-glancing San one last time, I strode past Jongho and back into the auditorium and packed up my bags. Jongho startled me when he came up behind me and I gave him a weak smile.

“, are you alright?” I just nodded my head and pushed passed him but he gently grabbed my arm, unconvinced with my reply. “Wanna talk about it?”

Shaking my head, I pulled my arm away and smiled faintly at him. “I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

“, wait!”

I ran passed San and the next thing I knew, I was on the bus, on the way home feeling confused and frustrated.

We met up two days later as all three of us were busy and I had an evening class the day before. San said he was going to be late and neither of us minded. When it was just Jongho and I alone in the room again, tranquility and comfort filled the air. 

We’ve been at our laptops for two hours and I was beginning to get bored, so I decided to have a bit of fun. Since Jongho was sitting opposite me, I crushed a small piece of paper and threw it at Jongho, who was surprised by my attack. 

“What was that for?” Jongho smiled slightly and continued typing but occasionally giving me glances, making me smile a little.

I played Bruno Mars on my laptop and began singing along, evident that boredom has taken a toll on me.

“You like Bruno Mars?” Jongho’s eyes lit up and suddenly I have peaked his interest.

“I like his songs.” I smiled and sang along loudly to Grenade and suddenly he chimed in, belting his high notes and falsetto, surprising me. I stopped singing and watched as he sang along, his voice echoing through the room.

When he saw that I stopped singing and was staring at him, he got bashful and glanced elsewhere. “What?”

“You have a beautiful singing voice.” My compliment made him blush even harder and I thought that was the cutest thing ever.

“I-I do?”

“Yes.” I giggled and bit on my lower lip, hoping he’d agree to my request. “Would you… sing something for me?”

Jongho gazed at me and he seemed uncertain but I encouraged him to sing. “Well, w-what do you want me to sing?”

“You’ve probably heard of this song, but it’s called Say Something by A Great Big World. It features Christina Aguilera,” I said softly, my eyes never leaving his handsome face. His eyes met mine and we were locked in on the staring game for some good minutes before he cut it off by clearing his throat.

“Oh, that song. I’ve heard it. It’s a sentimental piece,” Jongho straightened his back and begin singing acapella, his melodious and gentle voice resonating through the room. At some point, I could feel him pouring his emotions into the song, making my hair stand and sending shivers down my spine. 

He stopped after a while and when he opened his eyes, I saw passion. I figured he loved singing but probably had to give it all up. I clapped my hands in elation, feeling the warmth in my heart.

“How’d I do?”

“Beautiful. You did beautifully.” We sat in silence, our smiles never fading. 

“I wish you’d show me more of this side to yourself,” I said quietly, my gaze lifting up to meet his eyes. He was quiet and his smile was starting to fade. “I wish you’d talk with me more.” 

Jongho leaned back in his chair and brushed his hand through his hair. “Why are you interested in me? I’m nothing.”

My head snapped up and I was speechless. Speechless and astounded at how he remarked himself to be. “You’re not nothing. Jongho, I-”

Our conversation was interrupted by San’s presence. He was panting rather heavily and I could see beads of sweat building up on his forehead and temple.

“Sorry I’m late.” San sat down and was breathing like a dog and I figured he must have ran. “Damn Professor Chan held me back just to lecture me on my report. Fucking asswipe said I plagiarized a big chunk of it and told me to redo it and gave me three days to resubmit.”

Jongho and I exchanged glances but remained silent. It was something to be expected from San since he took college pretty lightly.

When my eyes met San’s, I quickly looked away and fumbled with my laptop. San dropped a paper bag on my laptop, catching me by surprise. I glanced at him and he was fanning himself.

“To make up for what happened two days ago.” I opened up the paper bag and inside were 2 rolls of onigiri and a small bottle of banana milk. Still bitter about what happened, I gave a small smile and bowed my head in gratitude. San could tell I wasn’t fully forgiving of him.

Jongho watched as the exchange unfold before him and he felt heat coursing through his veins. He didn’t know why he was jealous, but he just was. Rolling his eyes at us, Jongho continued typing and ignored us for the remainder of time in the room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at 5PM?” I asked Jongho and he merely nodded his head. I felt my heart sunk a little and began to wonder if I did something wrong to upset him. Jongho left without saying a word and I was left flabbergasted, confused by his behaviour. 

Just as I was about to descend the stairs, San gently stopped me by grabbing my hand. I swiveled but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to have anything to do with him at all.

“... I know you really hate me right now, and I… can understand that. But know that what I did to you was unforgivable and I truly am sorry.” San fiddled with his fingers and he pursed his lips together, revealing a set of dimples that’s indented on either sides of his cheeks. It was something I had never noticed before. “, please let me make it up to you.”

I wasn’t sure how he was going to make it up to me but I wasn’t going to give in so easily.

“Would you like to have dinner with… me tomorrow? Please.”

I could feel my lips parting slightly but no words came out. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that and I didn’t want to make it look so easy for him. 

“I’ll think about it.” I turned on my heels but not before San stopped me again.

“I really am… sorry.”

I gazed at him knowingly and moved on, not wanting to make him apologize relentlessly. The more I think about it, the more I realized that San wasn’t as bad as he looks. Then I thought of Jongho and things were starting to get complicated.

Brutally complicated.


End file.
